“When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.”
From “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho
It’s been exactly a week since I’ve landed in Thailand and wow — it’s hard to find the words to capture the wonder of this place.
My 14 hour train ride last Friday was quite epic. My seat mates were two sweet souls, a pair of best friends. We started chatting because their clothes were amazing, and I just had to share my admiration. And to no surprise, it turns out they both work in fashion in Bangkok. We conversed through the google translate app, exchanging stories and giggles as we passed the phone back and forth. They reminded me how much I love spontaneous connections with strangers.
As daunting as 14 hours might have seemed, I had an incredible time on the train. And wow, what an experience it was. What doubled as the most challenging and exhilarating part were the toilets — aka a small metal room with a hole in the floor. There’s nothing quite like looking down while peeing and having the front row view of train tracks below you, whirling by at a dizzying speed. Aside from the entertainment that came with the bathroom breaks, I spent my time alternating between staring out the window in awe at the stunning scenery, and scribbling fiendishly in my journal as creativity appeared, and surged through me.
The time flew by. In fact, I experienced such an intense rush of creative energy that by the time nightfall came, I couldn’t even sleep! I kept feverishly writing in my journal as idea after idea flowed through me.
As much as I had absolutely loved my time at Plum Village, this was my first time of true solitude in well… many months. Living in community brought many cherished memories and potent life lessons. Living in community also brought about deep healing. What I lacked while living in community full time, however, was the sacred qualities of solitude. Just like community offers medicine and wisdom, so too does solitude. Cultivating the balance seems to be an ongoing discovery, a never ending ebb and flow.
In solitude is where my creativity blooms. I become a conduit, as I have the space, time, and openness of a curious heart for ideas to manifest and come to life. Thus, one after the other flooded my being. I tried to keep up as I raced to jot them down. By the time I reached Chang Mai, I had slept a mere hour. But it didn’t matter much as I was seemingly unaffected by the sleepless night — I was captivated and enthralled by the force of creativity.
I had been having a feeling that my time after Plum Village would signal a shift in my life — the beginning of a new chapter. I felt these inklings start to take root earlier this year in the Spring. But if there’s anything I’ve learned about life, it’s that you can’t rush or force your journey; it’s best to simply just notice, trust, and allow things to unfold as they will. But I had a gut feeling that this soon-to-be next chapter of mine would be the start of my “career.” One, because I am simply and well, frankly — out of money. For practical reasons, I knew I would have to replenish my funds after Plum Village. Two, because in my heart I could feel this new and budding desire around cultivating what I would refer to as, my calling.
Ever since graduating University in 2020, I have been traveling around working and volunteering mostly on farms, seasonal or temporary gigs, and the occasional odd jobs. Uninterested in a career or even a longer term job, my main objective the last four years has mostly been about healing. I had a lot of suffering and pain that needed my attention and care. It wasn’t until rather recently that I finally started seeing the light at the end of this tunnel; as in, things finally starting to get lighter. I felt like I had been living in the underworld for a long, long time.
While I was there in the underworld, I didn’t know what I wanted to do for work. As work had always just been something I had to do to survive. I didn’t really like working, and I especially despised having a “job.” In fact I felt kind of hopeless when it came to working. I held a limiting belief that I could never enjoy working, and therefore could never make a sustainable income because I was unwilling to work 40+ hours a week on a fixed and rigid schedule full of rules and inflexibilities that felt incompatible with my true nature. Work to me, was drab.
As I’ve started to make my way out from the darkness, I’ve noticed these pulls. Nudges, even. A desire for meaningful work.
Earlier this year as I continued traveling and doing work trades or volunteering, I noticed a pervasive longing for something more. But what was it? What could it be? After all, I didn’t want a job. I valued my freedom and agency above all, which was why I stuck to volunteer or work trade gigs. Yet, I could feel this lack of fulfillment floating around in my core. Traveling and freedom were once the most important things to me, but something else was starting to come through.
On my plane ride back to the U.S. after my grandma’s passing in March, I unexpectedly received a flooding of ideas around work. This occurred two days after I had experienced a beautiful meditation in which an image of my grandma appeared in my mind, and she softly told me that my pain would point me to my path. The meditation had touched me deeply, as I had never experienced anything like it before. Her voice was clear, and I could feel her presence, and the potency of her message.
My pain would point me to my path.
Low and behold, a flow of ideas began to stream through me in the days, weeks, and months that followed. Exactly what that meaningful work I had started to long for, slowly transpired into a clear vision. I suddenly had all these pulls and nudges leading the way. Although they weren’t always clear or complete, I followed them nonetheless.
It was a pull that brought me to Thailand. Something told me that this is where I needed to go next. With no plan in hand, I still felt the warm weight of certainty. As I arrived to my new temporary home in this sweet little mountain town, a book awaited me in the corner: The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho.
I had heard of this book for many years. I didn’t even know what it was about. All I knew was that it was special. Just like something whispered in me to go to Thailand, something told me to read this book — even though fiction isn’t normally my cup of tea. And wow, am I certainly glad I listened to the nudge.
For those of you who haven’t read The Alchemist, perhaps you should be warned that below may contain some spoilers… although I’ll do my best not to over do it ;)
Described as “A Fable About Following Your Dream,” I couldn’t put it down. The last time I binge read a fiction book like this was Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower. But this one wasn’t a dystopian novel as Butler’s had been. Instead it was an uplifting and spiritual story, highlighting the wonders and wisdom of this magical and mysterious world we live in. The main character, “the boy,” discovers the alchemy that is simply listening to your heart and following your dreams.
“Listen to your heart, it knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there.”
This book couldn’t have entered my orbit at a more perfect time. It talked of tuning in to the universal language of the world (love), and allowing your omens (signs) to guide you to your most aligned path. Your Soul path. Ever since that day on the 14 hour train, the creativity hasn’t stopped pouring in. I have been overcome with a vision and clarity about my life’s work. I am pouring my heart into my creations as my craft starts to come together. All omens, all signs, have led me right here to this moment. Work is no longer about making money to survive. It is about the role in which my Soul will play in this world for my short time of being the human I am, called Sydney.
“The wind reminded the boy that there was the language of the omens, always ready to show him what his eyes had failed to observe.”
I am so excited to see what will unfold. This is the lowest amount of money I have ever had, and yet the richest I have ever felt. Tucked away into the mountains of Thailand, I am following my nudges and allowing my path to continue to unfold. For my heart’s work to grow, and grow, and grow…
I leave you with one final Alchemist quote:
“…the boy was beginning to understand that intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected…”
Have you ever read The Alchemist? What did you learn from it? How did it impact you? When did you read it? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
P.S. I have just started both an online zine shop, a website, and a teacher profile for Insight Timer. In the coming weeks I’ll have more to share, and I am simply so thrilled to share them with you when they’re ready! I also am becoming more active on Instagram, if you’d like to follow along you can find me here!
Hugs to you, sweet one! Sending softness + safeness to you.
With love and gratitude, Sydney
The Alchemist is one of my favorites, I read it at least once a year and always in one sitting.
Your endeavors are inspiring